For as long as I’ve known, I’ve always shared a special connection with nature, especially water. Nature brings me comfort in ways that people do not. Not many people truly understand this bond. The Aboriginal people did. Nature is an intrinsic part of who they are. The traditional Aboriginal people do not see themselves as owning the land, but rather, the land owns them. They belong to the land and it must be looked after and respected. I feel like I’ve been born in the wrong culture. It breaks my heart to see the way we are destroying our planet… the way nature is treated like a dump. Recently I found out that Australia’s largest energy supply retailer, AGL, wants to build a giant gas terminal and pipeline just along from my favourite beach in Westernport Bay, Balnarring. The pipeline will go all the way to Pakenham, and AGL will be dumping a whole lot of chorine into the water every day. I find myself in terrible grief over this news. I spent my psychology session this week on the floor of the office crying, have had thoughts of suicide, and am spending a lot of time in bed. It is really hard to do anything when I am so sad. I can’t stop thinking about the pollution and devastation AGL will cause. Not many people would understand my reaction. But to help people empathise, I explain it is like losing somebody you’re close to. The beach is a special spot I go to with my dad. I have an animistic and anthropomorphic worldview, which means nature is not just an object to me. I attribute human qualities and life to places like Balnarring Beach. Like people, it has its own personality, not to mention the birds and sea creatures that call it home. This makes it very difficult for me to hurt/exploit nature, and is why I get so upset when people and big companies do.
Right now I’m thinking a lot about my nature as a highly sensitive person and how this also makes it so hard to be in a world which is so destructive. A mother once posted in a group for HSPs that her infant daughter was sad even for the water being drained out of the bathtub. I can relate to this child so much. Last night I read a quote: “I was born with a soul that is way too sensitive for this world. I have always felt things deeply and differently than most people. That has always been my blessing and my curse.” I wanted this to be my suicide note. But today I spoke with a suicide survivor who regretted his attempt so much. He told me things can always get worse, and he is living proof of that as he became a paraplegic from his attempt. As painful as it is, I think I will stick around a bit longer. I believe this world needs more highly sensitive people anyway, not less.