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Thoughts on loss, life, and asexuality

gill card good

This is the card I sewed my therapist about two years ago. She got it framed and put it in her office. She has now callously discarded me, telling me I’m too “unstable” to work with, but I doubt she’ll take this down or return it to me. She will keep it up as she has no remorse. She may even keep it up as a trophy. I similarly spent six months working on a painting I gave to another therapist who did the same to me. I lose a little piece of myself each time. Continue reading “Thoughts on loss, life, and asexuality”

This is what being abused by a psychopath feels like

I wake up at 3pm, still nauseous from the alcohol I drank yesterday. My head feels like it’s been rammed into a brick wall and I have a cough. Don’t tell me I’m sick again? I’ve only just got over the flu.

It’s 5pm. Looks like it’s too late to go to the post office and send the badge someone ordered from my Etsy store last week. Whenever I get an order, I am no longer excited. “Shit, I can barely stand to be alive, let alone get this order sorted” is what I think. Thankfully I already have the badge made up, so I just need to post it.

It is 6pm and I reluctantly leave my bedroom. I’ve been putting it off as I can’t stand to be around anyone, and I definitely do not want to be asked how I am because the answer is always the same: horrible. I just go through different degrees of horribleness. Today it is particularly horrible.

It has been 8 days since my psychologist dumped me. I haven’t showered all week and clumps of knots are forming in my hair. Continue reading “This is what being abused by a psychopath feels like”

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