health

Hell

“I think there is an afterlife. I think there is a hell. I think that hell is in your mind. And heaven? Who’s to tell.” Silvia Rosario, ‘The Last Life’

I went back to bed an hour ago hoping to get some rest so I could play badminton tonight, but I just felt even worse. I felt overwhelmed and wanted to cry. I still do. I struggle to find the words to explain why I feel this way. All the tears are stuck inside, drowning me from the inside out.

I am not ok. I think I’ve only slept one night the past few months, and continue to live with the damage the mental health system has done to me physically and emotionally. Continue reading “Hell” →

May 6, 2024 0

Irritated

starseed3

As I wrote in my video about ASD, Asperger’s is like being a selkie. I live in two worlds. I am most at home in the sea, but can also (though with great difficulty) live on the land with others. Continue reading “Irritated” →

February 25, 2024 0

Sick

During my last week in hospital I started to feel a bit off. I had several extremely vivid nightmares. There was the one I wrote about in my last post, and the second one was about a terrorist attack. I had a bout of lethargy so heavy I couldn’t get out of bed, could barely reach for my phone and I missed my lunch. I also felt like coughing, though not much of a cough came out. I had this general feeling of being unwell (malaise) which made it hard to go out. And one day I just couldn’t get my temperature right, turning the air con on and off a zillion times. I was going to do a RAT when I saw my mum, but ended up telling the nurse about my symptoms. I wanted them to give me some slack in the morning and let me sleep, and something I’ve learnt from my mum is that people only back off and show some compassion when you’re physically sick. Continue reading “Sick” →

February 20, 2024 0

Sleeping beauty: overdose

In the autistic community we congratulate people when they get their diagnosis. Autism is now seen as a neurodivergence, a difference in the way our brains work, rather than a pathology. But there are many times I wish I was not autistic. There are times when it really does feel like a curse, far from something to be celebrated. There are times when, if I could take it away, I would. It is no fun being this severely autistic in this world. Continue reading “Sleeping beauty: overdose” →

December 17, 2023 0