“Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every dayYou learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play.”
Guns N’ Roses, Welcome To The Jungle
In my last post I said I was crying when I arrived at my new place, another caravan in somebody’s backyard. I was so scared this was the next chapter of my horror story. Unfortunately I was right. Continue reading “Psychotic descent- part 4: quest for safety, autism, discrimination, noise sensitivity and stuck in a world not made for us”
I had to read over my last post to remember where I last finished. It has been the longest 14 days of my life and I feel I could write an entire book on these 14 days alone. The happiness that I reported in the last post was the headlamp of an oncoming train. Continue reading “Homelessness and psychotic descent- part 3”
The day where I’d leave Melbourne and return to the country approached. I had teed up the new caravan to rent. I had teed up transport. I bought doonas, heaps of hot water bottles and a bag full of heat packs so I was better prepared for the cold, all while unwell. I kept waking up to a peculiar hammering. It was usually just a few bangs and then would stop for a while. One day, I heard three bangs, the number which I seemed to be seeing everywhere. I read a very scary post on social media once where someone reported hearing three knocks on her door at night. Another member said that it was demons and her death would be imminent. The number three is a very significant number spiritually, as seen in the Holy Trinity. I was convinced the number meant something. In fact I was convinced everything meant something, that there was hidden signs and meaning in the light flickering, the smoke detectors malfunctioning, etc. Continue reading “The psychotic descent continues: part 2”
I don’t see the point in me being in the city right now. I’m too unwell to see friends. I’m too unwell to play badminton, and don’t know if I can ever show my face there again after pissing my pants on the court. My physio doesn’t seem to want to see me until things settle down with my housing, which may take a while. I don’t have a job here. I basically don’t have a life here, and am just spending my days wasting away in bed. Without any structure I lose sense of what day it is. I am simply existing outside of time, no longer part of the world around me. Continue reading “Psychotic descent”
Part 1. Fleeing the city to live with mice
My time away in the country just got worse and worse by the minute. I couldn’t get rid of the mice in the caravan which would keep me awake all night. My friend and I carried a mattress down from her house one night and I slept in the annex, a room adjoining the caravan, but the little shits were in there as well. They kept running through the room all night. I was so exhausted I couldn’t even get up. Continue reading “Reality makes you mad”
It’s the first time I’ve opened my laptop all week. Right now has got to be one of the lowest most distressing points in my life, and I can’t imagine it getting any worse than this, although life always surprises me. Continue reading “Escape”
hsphaven 