touch-starvation

MY SISTER AND FAMILY

My physio asked me this week what my relationship with my younger sister is like. It got me reflecting on my family even more and I thought I’d write a post about this.

I don’t have much to do with my sister. She lives near the city. She occasionally comes to visit, and has been saying she wants to play badminton with me again, something we did as kids. I got a random text from her a few months ago asking if I wanted to meet her at the trampoline at our mum’s place one night. She had not been speaking with my mum for years so I was surprised. I met her there and bounced on the trampoline with her wearing black angel wings, which I had worn to my psychology appointment earlier that day. We did that thing where you put pressure on the trampoline at particular moments which propels the other person into the air. We played that break the egg game. We then went into the house. Mum had gone to bed, which was good as it would have been weird the three of us together again. We found some of our old childhood toys in the cupboard, such as beanie kids, and brought them into my sister’s old bedroom. Mum had kept the books too, which displayed the entire collection of beanie kids and the new ones that had been released each year. In 1998 there was a rainbow beanie kid called “Proud the Rainbow Bear”. We were impressed how progressive the company was, as same sex marriage has only just become legal in Australia. We looked up how much they’re worth now, but they’re still pretty cheap on Ebay,

We then found some possum puppets and started a puppet play. She kept harassing the poor plush bee with her possum, so I hid it under my old childhood blanket. I then got one of the plastic baby hammers that make a honking noise and hit my sister’s puppet over the head with it.

I rubbed the possum’s hands together, which made it look like it was plotting a murder. My sister suggested talking to people via the puppet now that I’m non-verbal. I started exploring voices for the possum using the app on my phone, which speaks text for me. I was a bit reluctant to see my sister (and in fact, anyone) while non-verbal, but my sister is also autistic and said she has friends who are non-verbal so got it. It wasn’t awkward at all. We found other ways to engage, such as though the puppet play. I made the voice really deep on the app and it sounded incredibly creepy. I then made it high, which suited the possum more, making it sound cute and innocent. Continue reading “My relationship with my sister, domestic violence, update on where I’m staying + therapy” →

I am writing this post backwards. This short introduction is actually the last thing I’ve written, now that I know what the post looks like. It is a bit of a different post to my usual posts. There are three things I talk about in this post, and I have broken them down into different subheadings as my mind’s all over the place and I’m struggling to write a cohesive piece.

Touch starvation-

Harlow and Zimmerman (1959) were some of the first researchers to show just how important touch is. When given the choice between a wire-mesh “mother” that held a bottle and a soft cloth “mother”, baby monkeys preferred the latter. Touch is the very first way we experience the world and is the foundation for our physical, social and psychological health. Loving, meaningful, consensual touch is important for the following:

Pain regulation (touch releases endorphins)
Emotion regulation
Mood
Relaxation
Sleep
Reading faces
Recognising emotions in self
Expressing emotion
Physical growth (“failure to thrive” is the pediatric term for stunted growth/weight)
Immunity and recovery from disease
Prosocial behaviour
Connection to others

Former inmate Brett Collins shares his experience of solitary confinement with ABC, which can be found on YouTube here. The deprivation of human connection and touch, also called “skin hunger”, is essentially a type of torture. It kills, just as physical abuse or starvation kills. And prisoners are not the only people who experience it. You don’t need prison bars to make a prison. Sadly many people in our society are having a remarkably similar experience to Brett Collins. One election some politicians in my country even suggested having a minister for loneliness is it so widespread. A lot of this boils down to the shift from a collective culture to an individualist one. With this shift, we have seen a movement against co-sleeping, where sleeping separately is said to “teach” infants how to manage on their own. Technology is another factor. A lot of people got a taste of touch starvation during lock down. Continue reading “Touch starvation, mania, and dissociation” →

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Tag

My relationship with my sister, domestic violence, update on where I’m staying + therapy

Physiotherapy, touch starvation, sleep, adult babies, trust issues

Touch starvation, mania, and dissociation