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hsphaven

Haven for the living Princess and the Pea

Author

Zoe

A founder of hsphaven, Zoe hopes to create a space for HSP writers to come together and share their diverse passions and expertise through writing. This has been an important outlet for Zoe over the years; she fondly recalls writing stories as a child at recess and lunchtime and sharing them with her classmates. Some of Zoe’s areas of interest include mental health, healing and self-development. She has a background in psychology/social science. In her spare time Zoe enjoys being in Nature, op shopping, vegan food, music, and art and craft.

My experience with ayahuasca

fearfall

When I was a child, my parents took me to Rainbow’s End in Auckland, New-Zealand. Being the impulsive child I was, I dived at the tallest ride in the park. Before I knew it I was strapped into a seat which took me and a few others up a massive pole. At the very top, one would enjoy views all over Auckland; that is, before we were suddenly dropped. The drop may have only lasted five or ten seconds, but they were the longest seconds of my life. I begged for the ride to be over and it completely killed my motivation to go on most rides again. I used to get a thrill out of being scared, but this fear was another level altogether. That is exactly what my experience with Ayahuasca was like: being strapped into this thing with no control over its course.
Continue reading “My experience with ayahuasca”

Suicide

I sit before a plainly dressed, earnest woman and my new case worker. My case worker introduces the woman as a psychiatrist in training. No time is wasted before my mind is picked apart, dissected, analysed like a specimen under a microscope. I am asked a series of questions, questions I have been asked so many times I could rehearse it all back to them. Continue reading “Suicide”

Narcissists and toxic relationships

Many highly sensitive people/empaths are magnets for narcissists. This is not because we are like them, but because we are light to their darkness, Shahida Arabi writes.

“Regardless of any of our vulnerabilities, we exhibit the gorgeous traits of empathy, compassion, emotional intelligence and authentic confidence that their fragile egotism and false mask could never achieve.”

This post is about some of the strategies the narcissist and other toxic people use to maintain control over their victims. It will cover love bombing, projection, abusing what we’ve told them, jealousy, stone walling, scapegoating, gas lighting, isolation, hoovering, smear campaigns, and finally, discarding.  Continue reading “Narcissists and toxic relationships”

Disenfranchised grief

A few years ago I discovered the term “disenfranchied grief”. The term describes grief that is not acknowledged by society. I think a lot of HSPs may be able to relate to this type of grief as, like most things, we tend to experience loss and separation more acutely. We love deeply and we grieve just as deep. It is hard for people to understand how we can hurt so much (or for so long) over something which seems relatively small or unimportant. We may find ourselves grieving the death of a relationship as though the person has died. We may grieve a friend as though we’ve broken up with a romantic partner (there is a great article on Psychology Today where Seth writes about how the emotional bond people feel with a close friend is as close or closer than the bond with their romantic partner). It may not even be a person we grieve, but an animal, object, place or loss of physical or mental function. Yet in our society, it is hard to get the same sympathy and support for these things as people do when someone, such as a family member, has died. Or when we’ve broken up with our partner. Sometimes we cannot even speak about our loss due to stigma. It may have been a secret relationship or we may have been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection. This also leads to disenfranchised grief. Continue reading “Disenfranchised grief”

Mistress of the Sea

Mistress of the Sea, they call you.

But I now know you were a siren,

And I was a sailor riding your sea of bitterness and sorrow,

Lured by your enchanting music

To shipwreck on the rocky coast of your island.  

Swim Sea Water Mystical Wave Sirens Mermaid
Source: Maxpixel

The idea of you

I cannot shake the idea of you

Your sweetness a computer program installed in my head and heart.

It cannot be deleted

even now I find it’s infected with viruses

that are taking over my entire system,

destroying me from the inside out.

Frozen in time: reflections

People, places, innocence,

Frozen in my heart and mind like glass horses.

Safe from the sword of time,

Of change.

Sealed with the kiss of eternity.

Now melting,

Dripping,

Escaping as tears. Continue reading “Frozen in time: reflections”

Lost landscapes

I lie on fake grass

Eating chips cooked in genetically engineered canola,

Under clouds that were planted by planes

Thinking of the words you said-

That I’m your baby

A sister to you.

A friend.

That you want to protect me.

That you think of me

That you miss me

That we will keep in touch.

Words that make me feel like somebody.

Words that wrap my entire being

Like a snake, whispering, tempting my heart.

Your words dance on in me

Even when the music has long ceased.

Continue reading “Lost landscapes”

A day in the city

The big day is here. I stagger out of bed. I’m already one down as I didn’t fall asleep until sunrise. I open my wardrobe crammed with clothes. Some drop to the ground as the doors open. It makes no sense that I have so many clothes as I never go out. Most days I never get dressed. I guess I just see the potential in every single item. Whether that makes me a hoarder or an artist depends on who you ask. It’s important for me to keep my options open, to know each item is there if I ever need it. But my options are anything but open now. I cannot find what I want and the task of getting dressed is completely overwhelming. It is overwhelming just being in my room, a physical replica of the turmoil within, as though my mind has been turned inside out. Continue reading “A day in the city”

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