I am an empty girl in an empty room. I lock the door of the clinic’s bathroom behind me and sit on the floor. The bite of the cold tiles feels good; I need something else to feel, anything! Therapy is like crossing a bridge. A bridge to a better life. But trolls lurk beneath the bridge, and today we disturbed them. They waited until my therapist was gone to attack. Now they are dragging me down into the sewers and bog. I sit level to the toilet. I feel like scum, but I don’t care. Continue reading “The sweet sting”
When I was little I had two stuffed clowns which I took everywhere with me. The first one I got was “Coco”. I carried Coco by his red hair and he eventually became bald. Then I got “Noddy”, Coco’s companion. Continue reading “Parents throwing away our things”
You are my friend through this endless night.
You are my star while the sun takes flight.
But will you walk with me when dawn finally breaks?
Or will you fade away, leaving me with shakes and aches?
I’ve come to love the darkness, as that is how I see you.
And I fight the sunrise, for without you I’m blue.
So this is the conundrum that I face.
Scared of the sun, yet tortured by this place.
Take my hand
Let me show you,
The field beyond the trees,
Where the only noise is the whisper of the wind through the unkept grass.
Love lifts the veil that is before our eyes
And we awaken to the magic that is all around us.
We are wide eyed children,
Marvelled by the beauty of nature,
Beginning our lives anew.
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
I just spent three weeks in hospital for my mental health. I talked quite a bit with the student nurse while in there (we even played badminton together). We were the same age and he shared little bits about his own life with me. I told him about a friend I used to have who was in hospital like me. I’d visit this friend every week and brought him a big container of rainbow jellybeans. This friend then stopped talking to me. I was upset that these kind of things keep happening. This lovely nurse must have felt my sadness. He went out and bought ME a box of rainbow jellybeans and a jellybean machine. He gave it to me when I was discharged, along with this beautiful card. He said he wanted to give me the closure I hadn’t had in other relationships. Continue reading “An act of kindness”
It is a sunny Autumn day in the park, orange leaves scattered around trees like confetti. I lay sprawled out on the open grass in the middle of the park. The sun is a warm hug, while the cool breeze stops me from getting too hot. As the wind caresses me, I hear her soft whisper. “Let me take this from you”, she says, and, like a broom sweeping up the dirt on the floor, she cleanses me of my sorrow. The weight I carry daily has been lifted, and for once I feel normal. I feel part of life happening around me- the cyclists, the distant sound of kids playing on the playground, the ice-cream van. I want to freeze this moment, capture it in a bottle like pixie dust and never let it go. But alas the dark clouds have rolled in again, and I’m left clinging to the fraying memory of life without depression.
I always felt different from my peers at school. I remember clearly the day we were sitting on the second story of the sports centre watching the boys play basket ball below. The other girls would point out the boys they thought were “hot” and lust over them. I didn’t understand how they could feel something for someone they didn’t know. I found no one at school “hot”, and didn’t care about relationships or sex. Continue reading “Coming out post”