A friend commented today that it seems sometimes like I want to be on the endless rollercoaster and can’t tolerate just being at a normal mood. She wondered why I want to be so high, I might as well take up drugs. This song is the only answer I can really give. It speaks to this war within me. I do get tired of being tossed around and around and some peace would be so nice. But I also am, in a sick and strange way, in love with my bipolar, even though it is killing me and making me demented. I love the highs I’m getting on Dexamphetamine, even though they are costly. I don’t want to “drown my will to fly”. The lows I am a little more willing to let go of, but there’s still even a bit of resistance there too. The darkness, the deepness… they are the things that make me who I am. Many people have shared their interpretations of this song on songmeanings.com and what it means to them. This comment by “hoogli” stood out to me:

“depression can be an addiction. if you’re depressed long enough, it feels unnatural to be happy. i’ve been bipolar in the past. during that time, it felt like hell whenever i was merely content instead of manic or depressed.”