I am on a downward spiral and there’s no one to catch my fall. I tell myself I’m the only one who can pull myself out of this, but I don’t know how. I pulled another all nighter. I wasn’t really distressed or anxious, just not tired. I find the sleeping pills don’t tend to work unless it’s anxiety that’s stopping me from sleeping. I fell asleep at around 10AM and have just woken up. It is 2PM. I had a dream about being raped by a therapist. I started seeing ghosts, but people never thought it had anything to do with the therapist. They thought he was helping me. They just thought I was crazy and wouldn’t believe that the therapist was abusing me until I recorded it. While my psychologist never raped me sexually, I feel raped emotionally. She stripped me bare, all my secrets exposed, and then did the very thing she knew would hurt me the most: left me. She left me literally lying on the ground by the roadside before some ladies on their way back from class found me and called an ambulance.

I have no words left for this post. Someone from my therapist’s licensing board has been trying to contact me about the complaint I made about her. The chemicals in my body are all out of whack and the anxiety I feel is like a chemical concoction gone wrong in the pit of my stomach. I doubt anything will come of the complaint. She will justify her bullshit one way or another.

I’m not sleepy but I’m too fucked to do anything except lie in bed.