It’s been a month now and I still have a crook gut. It’s constantly whining and making noises, which is driving me insane and making me not want to see anyone as it’s embarrassing. I’m about ready to scream and punch or stab myself in the stomach. I had some tests done but all that came back was an iron deficiency and a micro parasite called b.hominis. The lab said there is debate about how harmful this parasite is and they do not recommend treating it. Apparently it is resistant to antibiotics anyway. I found a research paper which gave me some ideas on how to treat it with herbs, and I have started taking oregano oil. My physio says my gut issues are more likely stress-induced irritable bowel syndrome. Whatever this is, it’s really messing with me, to the point where I became suicidal again the other night. Yesterday I started reading some disturbing things about radiation disrupting the balance of good and bad bacteria in the gut and possibly creating more pathogens that are anti-biotic resistant. My physio says that there is no science behind 5G fears, but I was actually reading a research article here. The article argues that “long-term low-dose electromagnetic field (EMF) exposure can cause central nervous system dysfunction without effective prevention.” I worry this city is becoming unlivable for me and am thinking about staying at my friend’s house which is off the grid in the middle of the bush. But I really can’t stand living with another person. I’m in a foul mood all the time. I throw stuff in the house and storm off angrily when my dad comes into the kitchen while I’m in the kitchen. Last time I stayed with my friend in the bush I tried to run off as she drained the life out of me. She doesn’t stop speaking and literally follows you into the bathroom. I remember diving into the bushes when she came looking for me, her car crunching down the long driveway.

I’m so overwhelmed and out of it all the time. I was on my way back from my mum’s house this evening and got the fright of my life as I nearly collided with another car. I then realised I’ d driven right through a red light as I was daydreaming. It took me a while to recover from the shock.

I’m not sure if my physio is making me better, or worse. He did some work around my face recently to treat my TMJ. My ear pain continues to be bad, and I was also worried he may have disturbed my impacted wisdom teeth as I had pain in that area.

“I’m still in a lot of pain,” I emailed him yesterday. “I swear to god this better not be like that fucking chinese massage.”

“It won’t be Zoe,” he wrote back. “And being scared and frustrated about it is only adding to it. Fibromyalgia just makes the soreness last a bit longer than most people, but I promise that’s all it is.. no need for worry. Hotpack, relax, do other stuff.. no stress.”

He offered to meet with me over Zoom today to reassure me, but I’ve started feeling better so didn’t meet him. I apologised and said I was just traumatised from going to healthcare professionals and leaving so much worse. I started going on about radiation again, probably sounding like a raving lunatic from the tin foil hat brigade. I sent him a picture of my radiation blocking tent, which is set up inside my sound proof room (yes, I’m starting to feel like a Russian doll).

My sleep actually got worse when I slept in it as there is not much space. It is like a swag. I felt like I was sleeping in a coffin. But I may try it again.

“Sounds like it’s gradually settling down, as expected,” my physio wrote back. “I fully understand your nervousness due to past experience – but can promise you this process will yield results. Try to be really aware of not only what you’re doing with your jaw (clenching) but also your tongue, it’s common that stress and anxiety cause you to push your tongue into the back or your teeth, bite your tongue or play with it, and this can cause as much TMJ irritation as clenching

You’re on the mend.

Looks like a funky sleeping setup, like camping in your bedroom! Hope it helps, but 5G definitely cannot interact with gut flora.If it could, then so could visible light, the EM field around the cables in your computer, the field around the monitor you’re reading this on . . . . and none of them can. They’re simply not high enough energy. EM radiation has to be higher than the upper bands of UV light before it starts to become ionizing, which means it can strip electrons off atoms and therefore disturb function of molecules. Have a look at this diagram. I’ve marked the band utilized by 5G technology. It’s lower energy than sunlight. Why doesn’t sunlight affect your gut then? Xrays could. Other ionizing radiation could. 5G can’t.

This is one stress you’re going to have to let go of at some point if you’re going to get well. You have enough other things to worry about without stuff that makes no scientific or logical sense.

Have a chilled out weekend, keep working on sleep. That is your key.

I’ll chat to you soon.”

My day gets a little brighter when he says he’ll chat to me soon.

“Thanks,” I wrote back. “I will try be more mindful of what my tongue is doing.

Yes I have seen some improvements. Last night I managed to clear some space on the table, so now Dad and me can eat dinner at the table, yay. I also exercised; I went for a long walk up the hill and around parts of the neighbourhood which I’ve never explored. I made some envelopes for my art business and I have been able to do some more work on my memoir. These are small things, but I wasn’t able to do any of this before. 

Haha yeah. Honestly I don’t know how I escaped being put on a psych hold when the paramedics came to my house the other day. It only takes one look at my house to tell I’m clearly not functioning.

I think the danger with 5G, wifi etc. is that we’re exposed to it constantly.

Hope you have a good weekend as well”

He seems to really care and has a soft spot for complex cases, such as those with chronic pain who usually have a similar psychological profile. Last week he followed up on how I was going with the new psychologist he found me.

”How are you going getting in to see the Psychologist?” he asked. “I’m excited for you to see how that goes.

We’re starting to organise our next pain group. I wonder if you think you’d be able to attend, or if it would be helpful for you? I think having psychology and physio combined would be helpful, as well as hearing other people in their journey etc. Tricky bit for you is that it’s usually 9:30am to 11:30am on a Thursday, so we’d have to try to get you sleeping a bit more regular hours for it to be helpful. For days when it’s too hard, we do record the sessions for watching afterwards, but it’s most effective to be there in person (on zoom) to engage with the group.”

I’m not sure I want to continue our TMJ treatments. It’s nice to be touched by somebody who is safe and I have an emotional connection with, but the treatments are also making me extremely anxious. It’s not just the fear of being injured physically, but it’s bringing up ancient feelings that really scare me. I don’t know if I’m crushing on the guy. I thought I was asexual and mainly into girls. My whole sexuality is being flipped on its head. I’m not having much luck finding a girlfriend, and am wondering if I should change my sexuality to bi on my dating profiles. But I also think it’s better to meet people organically. I’m finding it’s hard to tell if you will feel a connection with somebody from their online profile. As a friend was saying, people tend to have two different personalities: their text personality, and their in-person personality.