I came back to an old episode of Star trek Voyager called “Meld”. Tuvok performs a mind meld with one of the Voyager crew called Suder.
Basically Suder is a serial killer that wound up being lost on board Voyager in the delta quadrant. Suder murders one of the crew and Tuvok apprends him. When definite proof that Suder is the murderer is obtained Suder is asked what his motive for the crime is. This is his response:
Tuvok is puzzled and insists on a real answer. Suder respondes with:
“I didn’t like the way he looked at me.”
Tuvok is baffled. As a vulcan, Tuvok needs a logical motive for the crime. He mind melds with Suder and gets his answer. Suder was telling the truth. He simply became angry with the victim for no logical reason and then killed him.
This is one of them early Voyager episodes that is actually good. Acting and writing are handled decently. More than that it takes a brutal look at subject matter that many audience members wouldn’t want to.
I was comparing this dramatic presentation to my own problems, essentially suicide. When people went looking for an explanation they couldn’t find one. No pain, or rejection, or depression or trauma. None of that. I simply didn’t want to engage with the world. No higher level reason. Just didn’t want to be bothered. Suicide was the straight forward conclusion. This baffled people. But I’m under no obligation to make sense to people. If I had wanted to commit suicide I didn’t need a reason. Why don’t people ever seem to grasp the obvious?