I am impressed how Uttar Pradesh, a state in northern India, is handling covid. Vaccines are not the only way out of this, Uttar Pradesh demonstrate. In contrast, just a week ago Australia’s Therapeutic Goods Administration put a ban on doctors prescribing ivermectin for covid, depriving people of early treatment. I must confess I am rather exasperated as I write this post. I’m sick of logging onto Facebook and all I see is people posting pictures of their vaccine cards and vaccine profile pictures. We don’t need the jab shoved down our throats any more than it currently is, with teachers now being forced to get it to keep their jobs and people not being allowed to go to the movies, hairdressers etc. Never have I seen a product so aggressively marketed. I’m so tired of being here. It’s not just the vaccines, it’s everything. It’s the life I’ve had. It’s what we’re doing to the planet. It kills me to be here and witness all this.
While I say I want to die I’m also scared of death. I’m becoming more and more of a nihilist and I fear I’m losing my spirituality. Lately when I fall asleep it’s like I fall into a big black hole. Many nights I don’t dream at all and it’s like I cease to exist. I wonder if this is what death is like… no heaven, no angels, no reunions with loved ones, no afterlife or “other side”, no life review, just complete nothingness. I don’t find it peaceful, it’s quite scary really.