I am a baby. I live in a house at the back of a church, a property which my dad maintains so we can stay in the house. My family fight and my dad threatens to kill my grandad. My dad gets a new job and we move away from the city to a valley full of coal power stations. My mum gets asthma so we move to the mountains. We move again to another house in the mountains. We move to Tasmania. We move to another house in Tasmania. My sister is born. I start school. I meet my best friend Kelly. I say goodbye to Kelly as we’re moving back to Victoria. I start a new school and am bullied. I move schools. I make new friends. I say goodbye to my friends and move schools again. I am bullied. My parents fight and I stand between them to stop them from hitting each other. My pet bird flies away. I make new friends. We graduate and my friends go to a different high school than me. I am alone and don’t fit in anywhere. A year passes and I make new friends. Another year passes and I lose those friends. I am bullied by the same girl from primary school. I move schools. I don’t fit in. I move schools. I am bullied. I move house. I have a panic attack during my finals. I start uni. I am sexually harassed. I see a psychologist. I love the psychologist. I lose the psychologist. I try to kill myself. I see a new psychologist. I am anorexic. I am in an ambulance. I am in the emergency department. I am in a taxi back taking me home at 4am. I am in an ambulance again. I am in the emergency department. I am in a taxi taking me home at 4am. I am in an ambulance. I am in the emergency department. I am in a taxi taking me home at 4am. I am in a residential for young people with a mental illness. I lose my psychologist. I am in an ambulance. I am in a psychiatric ward. I am sectioned. I am back home. I never return to uni and soon people years below me have surpassed me. I see a new therapist. Hope. Connection. My new therapist cancels our session and I never hear from her again. I am in hospital. I become friends with a nurse. I am happy. The nurse cuts all contact with me. I am suicidal. My estranged sister moves out. My parents split up. The police give my dad a restraining order. I am at mum’s house. I am at dad’s house. I am in hospital. I am on a farm. I am back in the city. I can’t find what I’m looking for anywhere. I don’t know who I am and who I could have been if life was different. I cannot fill the hole that follows me wherever I go, and I am homesick for a place I’m not sure even exists.