I dug out a zine I made when I was in hospital in March 2019. I made it using some articles and stuff I had already printed, plus newspapers and brochures from the hospital, which I think was pretty creative. I cut them secretly on the floor of my room behind my bed with the nail scissors I had smuggled in, something which the hospital usually confiscates so you can’t hurt yourself with them. The doctor thought I was psychotic, but I don’t agree. I think in many ways I had a sharper view of reality. I was deeply troubled by the state of the world. I felt persecuted and violated by the world. I was obviously very depressed, but I also had a hell of a lot of creative energy and ideas which makes me think I was a bit manic at the time too. I believe they call it a “mixed episode”. It’s been a long time since I’ve made anything. I closed my Etsy shop as I didn’t care about my zines anymore. I was too depressed to print and post them, but today I feel a little brighter and I think I might re-open my shop again. The zines and memoirs I’ve written over the years are really good, if I’m allowed to say so myself. I might start with some electronic copies, which are much easier to deliver than print copies. I thought I’d share some of the pages of the zine I made in hospital in the midst of my madness. It is raw and messy but it is a glimpse into my mind. I hope it might be somewhat relatable and of comfort to someone out there. I’m sorry the pictures won’t enlarge, but I think you can get a closer look at them by pressing ctrl and + .

front pagewifiripping wings off butterfliesrunningmiddle pagehungover from computer



facelessdepressive realismfuture terrifies meexistential moment 1existential moment 2