hsphaven

I finally managed to go back to the café the waitress I wrote about previously worked at. I haven’t been for a few months because I’ve been so unwell. I was hoping to see her again. We’d share snippets of our lives and hardships with each other. The first time I met her she gave me a hug. I felt a friendship with her, and had been working up the courage to ask her if she’d like to chat when she doesn’t have to work. But today, a different waitress was there. I asked her if the other waitress still worked there, and she said no, she’d gone overseas and while she was back now she no longer worked there. I guess the world waits for no one. The place doesn’t feel the same without her warm presence.

I think about all the transient connections I’ve made. The girl in the hospital,the exuberant, warm woman who used to work in Tree of Life. The Tree of Life shop assistant asked me to come back and visit her. By the time I finally did, she had left too. I regret going to hospital all the time. My true healing will come from sisterhood, friendship and love, from people I meet in the community.

Last night was rough. I still miss Jordan, my old case worker. Perhaps even more than my psychologist who has just abandoned me.

All my life I’ve felt like I’m stuck on a train watching people and places pass me by. As I’ve written before, if you like someone, tell them. If you want something, go for it. If you have something to say, say it. Life is too short. Nothing is guaranteed to stay. We may not get the opportunity again, and “oh wells” are always better than “what ifs”.