As I have written about in another post, one of my all time favourite stories is White Oleander. The book/film is about a young foster girl called Astrid who moves from foster home to foster home, tragedy following her everywhere. There is a moment in the film where Astrid’s social worker offers her a good foster family. Instead Astrid chooses Rena. Staggering across the yard in high heels, a low-cut spaghetti top bulging with boobs, a pencil skirt, and sunnies, Rena screams bad news. The reason Astrid chooses such a shitty foster home is because the pain of finding love and then losing it is worse than the pain of not having been loved at all. Hope is not always our friend, and the higher we go, the greater we have to fall.

The light seems brighter after we have been in the dark, and the darkness seems darker after we have seen the light. Sometimes we may not even know what light is if we have been cloaked in darkness for so long. Just as a fish has no concept of air as water is all it has ever known, we simply do not even realise life could be different. When my nurse asked me how I was today, I told him I was sad. He asked me whether there was anything they could for me. “How about treating me like trash so I don’t get attached to any of you!”, I answered in my head.

“No, you are all wonderful, there is nothing more you can do for me.” I told him.