The CPTSD Foundation posted a great article the other day, “The Problem Isn’t Your Motivation, It’s Your Wound” by Alison Wegner. Here is the beginning segment:
“A woman in her mid-forties walks into a therapist’s office with a broken leg. She is at her wits’ end. Sitting down in the therapist’s chair, she says, “I’m so frustrated. I’ve been trying to run a marathon for years, but I just can’t do it. There must be something wrong with me. I try to get out of bed to train, but I just don’t want to. Even when I force myself, I can’t go nearly as far as everyone else. It is like I’m somehow deficient. After practicing, I am in so much agony that I have to take pain killers. Other people can run without resorting to pain killers. I just don’t understand what is wrong with me.”
What is the first thing you would say to this person? “The problem is your broken leg.”
I use this as a metaphor for those with trauma. Such individuals often try to ‘willpower’ their way past severe and debilitating wounds- wounds that are present and yet invisible.”
The article helped me to be kinder to myself and treat myself as I would treat someone with a broken leg. Eight years ago, in my early twenties, I lost somebody who was very important to me. It happened after a lifetime of interpersonal trauma, and tipped my mind and body into a permanent state of immobilisation/depression. I am now extremely limited in how much I can do. Most days I don’t get dressed. I always struggle to make a meal. I have gone a week without showering now, and often I just go back to bed as it’s all too much. One area that I particularly struggle with is maintaining relationships. I don’t tend to talk on the phone anymore and replying to messages is also difficult. I do not need people continually asking for more and guilting me into responding (e.g. implying that I am torturing your heart by not replying). I cannot handle and do not want this amount of contact. I’m sorry to disappoint.
December 8, 2021 at 1:58 am
We all need alone time. It’s understandable. You’re emotions are certainly valid but maybe people are aware of your issues. Maybe they don’t feel bad if you don’t respond. Maybe they’d like to see you feel better but don’t blame you if you don’t. Maybe you’ve been nothing but kind to people and they appreciate that. A lot of bad things can happen to someone. I don’t get the impression you are deliberately mean to anyone. If you can’t or don’t want to respond to people there is nothing wrong with that.
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