It is such a sad night for me. Tonight my team started the new season of badminton without me. Badminton was the highlight of my week, it was so good for my mental health and it gave me a little bit of social contact. One of my team mates texted me saying she will miss having me in the team. What a fucked up thing our government is doing. It’s tearing apart communities and destroying people’s mental health (like mine). Tonight I wanted to kill myself so bad. I said to my team mate I’d still like to keep in touch if she would like to also. She said she would, and also believes no one should be coerced into putting something in their bodies they don’t want. So I’m feeling a bit better. But holy shit, this is one of the shittiest things ever. Being excluded is shit for anyone (it’s actually processed in the same area of the brain that’s involved with physical pain), let alone someone who has a long history of being left out. But this evening I read a quote which I believe was sent my way for a reason:
“If you feel like you don’t fit in this world, it is because you are here to help create a new one.”
My path has not been an easy one. But tonight my heart both hurts and has been opened. Tonight I spread love to two people who really needed it: my team mate who was ghosted by a guy she really liked and was dating, and a friend who receives constant abuse and hate messages for being different. I told them that they matter, they are important, they did nothing wrong, and I’m glad that they’re alive. These small acts of kindness lift me as well as them, and remind me of my purpose to create a better, more loving and inclusive world.