I didn’t realise how far I’ve come in my journey of self-growth until now. I used to put up with people pushing me around and not respecting my boundaries. I can now set boundaries, and I set a hard one today. Today I wrote the following message to a person who has not been treating me right:
“Actually I don’t like hearing what you say because it’s bullshit. You tell me you “have to be a friend to have friends” and then you tell me I’m self-absorbed, don’t want to help myself/turn my life around, choosing to be miserable and not trying hard enough. How is that being a friend?
Being stagnant and not open to any other views… you do realise the same could be said of you. You seem very fixed in the story mainstream media is spinning about covid (which is full of fear mongering as well). You also seem very fixed on your opinion about me.
I didn’t realise there were strings attached to you helping me that night. I do the best I can to maintain relationships with the conditions I have. I’m sorry it’s not been good enough for you. I have also not been investing too much into our friendship as you have not been respecting me/my boundaries (insisting that I speak on the phone when I’ve told you I don’t feel comfortable with this). I’m the one in crisis yet you’re making it all about you. And now quite frankly you’ve pushed me even further away. I am no longer interested in any further contact. I wish you all the best. I’m not looking at any more messages.”
I don’t think this person was expecting me to cut ties with her. She thought that I was all alone and that she was all I had, so she could say whatever shit she liked to me and I would never leave. But I can and I will leave. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you.
I felt so much better after I sent this text. I went for a lovely evening walk by myself, and there was a spring in my steps this time. I didn’t realise how much unhealthy relationships, and not communicating how I feel, was draining the life out of me. I have developed enough self-respect now that I will not put up with bullshit. I can see when I am being manipulated. Letting go of these relationships has allowed more space in my life for healthier relationships. I no longer feel the heavy feeling of having to answer to everybody. I feel my energy is changing and I will start to attract more people who can respect my space and boundaries. I can now be vicious when I need to be. I deserve nothing less than respect and fulfillment.